After watching Sin City last night (intense film...VERY intense), I checked emails and shot a longish one off to Paul. In it, I mentioned this deployment helping me to gain some perspective.

Part of that perspective is really how important family is. Immediate family is something I think we tend to take for granted, I know I have been. Kim & I both would get home and spend a lot of time unwinding. Really, that's not all bad, but spending too much time doing that is, I think. We both have discussed our need to unwind and our need to spend time together. I think the statement we've shared is, "why do we spend so much time unwinding alone". The other perspective is day to day issues. One of our officers put it best, when talking about one of the organizations on post. They go to the ops synch meeting and weekly run down a list of stuff they've done in the city, which rivals (if not exceeds) what the rest of us are doing. The officer made the remark, "these dudes know they don't have to prove anything to anybody." That struck a chord with me. Why do I need to prove anything to others? Regardless of what I do over here, provided I'm improving it, leaving it better than when I found it, doing the right thing, I have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone else.

St Benedict talks about humility in his Rule. Humility, one author states, is the acknowledging truth. The truth is, none of us here are better or worse than the others. Truth is a powerful thing. Humility is accepting truth, living it. Oddly enough, regardless of what vibe I pick up from the Army culture or the culture of the Officer Corps, I am happier, more effective and get farther with people with humility than with the facade we're taught to show as Officers. Funny how that works.

Perspective. A lot of things aren't worth being angry about. I complain about the SpecFor folks, but really, they don't rate it. People being ignorant don't rate me being angry. It's all about perspective.

Enjoy!

Lost It Today

First and foremost, apologies to all for not updating sooner. It's not for lack of anything to post, just being basically lazy. A little bird told me I ought to post, indeed that a post was...ehm...awaited. So, here it is. It's bound to be long. I'll labor valiantly to not whine too much.

So about the title. I've been doing well controlling my temper, taking life one day at a time, generally having a "mind like water" and all that sort of thing. I've actually been happy. But small things have been building up recently and I lost it today. Not a ranting and shouting lost it, but I did get pretty angry. Wasn't really over something small, but I think in the long run it could be considered small. As with all things, I took the situation (which I shall not enumerate here) as a minor blow to my pride and reacted poorly. Kind of childishly. At least, that's how I reacted in my own mind. I think the email I sent was not too harsh, but still I could have done some fact finding before losing my cool. A little part of it is a general tiredness. I'm a tad tired of the Special Forces folks. They're special...see? So when they come to my office, they really need a "special" deal. I'm about ready to call the arrangements "SpecFor 1," "SpecFor 2," and "SpecFor 3", just to show folks it's really not all that special. Thing of it is, I see these guys coming a mile away. Who else looks like a freaking NFL linebacker and packs a Glock? Who else argues that they need to have ammo in their (largely unused in the DFAC) pistols while they're in the DFAC? Who else (besides privates who just plain forget) just won't wear unit patches while in their uniform (but rank and nametapes are just fine)? See what I mean? To a certain extent, it's not really "special", but "standard". They all meet it. Sometimes I just want to say, "Yes, you're special. Now get back on your short bus and go home." Honestly, that's unfair, as most of these guys are good people and great Americans. Some of the stuff they do just makes no sense to me, which just makes them part of the Army, I suppose. One of the contractors who works closely with me spend over thirty years in the special forces community. He's not here right now, which means I don't have access to his wisdom and wit, which I could really have used today.

So, if you're following the news (which I do not), then you'll know the Iraqis have a major offensive going on in Mosul right now. I know this, as I basically read about it in the orders and summaries I read daily. They have made the statement that AQI is on the ropes and failing. Or they might just have gone to ground to ride it out. Either way, we don't get shelled as much (and when we do, it's always about a mile and a half east of here), which is fine with me. Also remember a lot of the news from Iraq is about Baghdad. That's a long way south of here. It's practically a different country. Many folks 'round these parts claim it is. The point is, it's still a war, the terrorists are still out there and the ISF is actually doing better than I thought it would.

I still don't want them on my FOB.

This last month, folks have really come through big time!! Belle sent some cigars and snacks and DVDs, thank you again! Kim sent a TON of DVDs and books and a card that ended up in a ziploc baggie. I know I married her for a reason! Kim is just awesome. I'm still amazed that she is doing the whole new career thing. Really, that just blows me away every time I think about it. Thank you all again for the prayers and support. Please pray for my temper and attitude. I don't like walking about with a chip on my shoulder.

While I oughtn't provide political commentary, I can't help it. Side note: the BEST part of not having a TV here is not having to stomach the political race BS going on back home right now. Making big deals of little things seems to be the play of the month, even I'm doing it. So, thank you goes out to Chris Muir at Day By Day for this one. Dad will like it. Dems won't. You've been warned.

More links for you all. How about an independent check on the war here in Iraq? You know, kind of like an Iraqi Mythbusters (NB: this lends itself to all sorts of great spinoffs). Here it is. All good stuff and worth a look.

Last link, but not without commentary. As someone who has had the honor and privilege to commission Officers into the US Army, this one hit home for me. I always knew USI supported us above and beyond the call of duty, and here's one more thing I can point at as proof.

OK, last item. So I was doing squats last week and my right knee started to hurt really, really badly. So I figured it was the knee and tried it again. Nope, still hurt. Hmm. Started some research and figured out it might be my technique. So, based on some information, I changed technique and dropped some weight - it being easier to concentrate on technique with 45 pounds on the bar instead of 120. It was all good. I'll keep working it slowly to make sure.

That's all for now. I could write a diatribe about the girly men MPs who take freakishly long showers, but I should not have to do so. Simply saying, "MP" is enough. Heheheheee.

Today is Memorial Day, so, in the spirit of Henry the Fifth, I should point to my scars and say, "these wounds I had on St Crispian's." Lest we forget.

Enjoy!

Take a stand, please!!

Originally, after having dealt with a slightly awkward situation, this post was going to be a rant about the Army. I know, say it isn’t so. So here it is, Bottom Line Up Front: We lack leaders who are willing to stand up and be adults about things. In my mind, adults take responsibility for things, they “own” things. So here’s what happened. This guy brings some people in to be badged. In the process of doing so, mentions that other individuals in the group really want to be badged a “higher” color than they get. So I did the whole, “hey, understand you have a tough situation having to deal with these guys” thing. Honestly though, it boils down to one thing: being an adult. At some point, somebody, probably me, will need to look these individuals square in the eye and say something like, “Gents, I understand you want this particular color of badge. That’s not policy in this theater of operations. You can rant and posture and throw tantrums, but doing so won’t change your badge color. Simply put, that’s how the situation is. Nobody here can change that for you.” To be honest, I was really nice and understanding about it. I wouldn’t like having to deal with the whining about badge color either. So there it is. I seek to help shape leaders to stand up and be adults. To take responsibility for their actions. It’s an “old school” approach to leadership, I realize that, but we can no longer afford to have leaders who won’t do so.

Tomorrow I hit the weight stacks again!! Strangely enough, I’ve missed it as I’ve tried to allow the rib to heal (I tripped over a jersey barrier at night the first week I got here, then lifted through like two weeks of constant pain, wondering what the deal was). So back at it, now that the PT test is over.

I checked out the comments, followed one of the links and was inspired to get literary. So, here’s some Shakespeare, in a vain attempt at bringing the literary value of the blog up some:

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Oddly enough, I got this from a Steve Martin movie years ago...the whole thing was a ton of vignettes from Shakespeare.

We would not die in that man's company That fears his fellowship to die with us.

Enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day

Hello everybody!

First and foremost: Mom, happy Mother's Day! I am well (gained 3 pounds since December) and am (reasonably) healthy. I'll call tonight, hopefully late enough that I don't wake you folks up. Or I call tomorrow morning.

About three weeks ago, thanks to the incessant dust around here, I decided to have the head shaved, the grape scraped, the melon polished. You understand. After some research, I even dumped some money into an electric shaver, just for my melon. First, since Paul has no hair, I knew I'd look alright without any. Second, I grow tired (and have some cultural aversions here) of paying for a haircut with a very awkward head/neck massage. Don't get me wrong, love massages, really, really, really am uncomfortable with MEN massaging me. Needless to say, I'm spoiled, what can I say? So, at $5 a pop (including tip), I figure the shaver will, literally, pay for itself well before the end of this deployment. I took a self portrait last night so here it is, for your enjoyment. I even smiled.

Today we get our combat patch (Shoulder Sleeve Insignia - Former Wartime Service in the parlance of the military). I promised Kim I'd try to have someone capture a couple of pics for me. We'll see how that goes.

Sarah, 1SG B is a great guy! Jake just needs to find his rhythm (?), that's all. He'll build, he'll get there. Blue was great to work with in ROTC, can't imagine Jake having many better folks to be around than Blue and his team.

I promise I will attempt to get more pics taken and posted. The challenge with that is to discern what I'm allowed to click and not, etc.

Enjoy!

On the other foot

A couple of years ago, when I was in the US and my brother was in Mosul (NB: ironic, isn’t it), I would read his blog and think, “Why in the world doesn’t this guy update more often?? Doesn’t he realize we want to know what’s going on??” Strangely enough, I find myself thinking, “Why in the world don’t I update more often?? Don’t I realize that people want to know what’s going on??” Two excellent questions, which I hope to answer satisfactorily, if not succinctly. First, the flow of my day can tend to prevent more frequent updates. I shall elaborate. I crawl out of bed around 0515, start coffee, get on Yahoo (cheaper than Skype) and talk to my wife. She, for whom I have forsaken all others, gets that exclusively (to quote Westley the Farm Boy, once I start making exceptions and calling other people in the morning, word gets out then it’s work, work, work all day long). Around 0600, I go hit the gym. Usually. Then, clean up, eat and head to the 0800 update briefing. This is every day. Sunday through Saturday. Every. Day. I can’t even borrow the gag from When Harry Met Sally and change what I wear. After the update, I might have other things to do around the ops center (“BDOC”) or not. Once I get done at the BDOC, I walk to badging. There I spend the morning, do lunch sometime middle of the day, then dinner around 1800. All that time in between might be spent doing personal stuff (ie, sneaking off to the PX), badging issues (ie, explaining to yet another Iraqi Army officer why his kingly rank of captain doesn’t qualify him for the same badge I give general officers), addressing staff issues (ie, listen to US Army folks voice concerns I may or may not be able to fix), going to meetings (ie, sticking pencils in my eye) or working on badging projects. Once I get done with dinner, say, 1900, I’m anywhere between medium rare and well done, depending on what the day held for me. Usually, if I’m anywhere more cooked than medium, it’s movie and/or computer gaming. Sometimes I’ll start a post in the office, save it to Google docs (don’t tell the Army their firewalls don’t catch blogs or documents sent through Google…it’ll ruin the access I have to Small Wars Journal, oddly enough) and post it the next morning. Oh, there’s another reason. EVERYBODY is online in the evenings, which means very limited bandwidth. So I’ll likely post in the morning while I talk to my bride.

Folks ask Kim, who relays to me, that folks wonder what goes on here. Those who go outside the wire spend a lot of time preparing to do so, and well they should. Folks like me spend as much time as possible keeping the inside the wire safe for them. That’s what I do, I help keep the wire safe by making sure the wrong people don’t have access inside. Outside the wire, well, some folks patrol, some will do civil affairs stuff (build schools, hand out humanitarian supplies, things of that nature), just depends. Sometimes the enemy will get energetic and actually launch rockets or mortars, but usually they’re quiet. When they’re not, it’s typically VBIEDs in town, which is off the base. Personally, my spidey sense is tingling about some of that, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Not yet.

So last week, I had this thing which reminded me of another thing. Another guy and I were setting up a biometrics system at a gate (I think I mentioned this in a previous post). We discuss this with the sergeant in charge of the area, he decides and we set it up. One of his troops was kind of upset and says, “But sir, once the hajis get here, they’re inside the wire, what if they make a break and run into the FOB?” I just looked at him like he spoke Chinese. I just didn’t get it and walked off. Now I know why - ROE, or Rules Of Engagement. See, in my book, someone running onto the FOB in an uncontrolled manner constitutes a hostile act, which means I can shoot him. Each of the guards has a rifle with a close combat optic on it, there is absolutely no way they could miss. What if, indeed! So here’s my rant that this inspired - we have become so concerned about the ROE that we have, in my opinion, trained our soldiers to not consider deadly force. That my friends, is a problem. Now, I don’t think we need to be rampant killers, the environment doesn’t call for that. What it does, however, call for, is for us to be prepared to kill when needed. Like when some crazy haji tries to run through the gate without stopping. In our mobilization training, we received plenty of ROE training, at least plenty of briefings. We also received some decent training on establishing PID, or Positive Identification. Can’t shoot unless we have PID. For all that, we need more hands on training with deadly force engagements. More controlled environments and exercises that force soldiers to engage targets, even with blanks, in order to force them to come to that conclusion and KNOW that when they do pull that trigger, it’s a righteous shoot. Troops must have absolutely no doubt about when they must engage with deadly force and why, and all of that MUST be trained into us until the correct choice and subsequent engagement is a reflex action. When we were at Airborne School, they taught us the five points of contact. It was constantly drilled into us, so when we stepped out of the aircraft at 1850 feet, we knew that we knew how, when and why to hit so we walked (ran…) away from the landing. I have no doubt the instructors spent far more energy on drilling that stuff into us than we did at learning it. The point here is simple - we as an institution MUST spend more time and effort drilling this into soldiers, not in briefings, but in every single exercise we do from the time we hit the mobilization station. None of us should have left that place if we had any doubts about using deadly force. The last doubt a Soldier should ever have is when he or she is allowed to engage the enemy. Ever.

Let me make one thing clear, before the pundits start - I believe in ROE. I think, no I know, they are necessary. Note I’m not commenting on the rules themselves, and I won’t. We are professionals. ROE and adherence to them is one of the many qualities, which set us apart from thugs with guns (among other things - Harrington has a book about why the military is considered as much a group of professionals as doctors and lawyers…which we are).

*ahem* So much for the soapbox. Hey, thanks go out to a ton of you!! Mom & Dad, thanks TONS for the box!! Dave, Cinda & Shanna, thanks TONS!! I’m starting to hand out cleaning products to folks, who give me odd looks, realize what I gave them and then they thank me a day later. It’s kind of funny. Mom & Dad, I will have to give you a email or call or something soon. Have a special request to talk to you about this week. Dave & Cinda, the New Yorkers are awesome, thank you!! Strangely enough, I can’t get that periodical here anywhere. Go figure.

Yes Sarah, it does sound like you that Jake has to take the oldest to Kindergarten round-up…good to know you guys are all still doing well. How’s Jake doing on mission? Blue taking care of him?

Enjoy!

A good, good day

Today has been a good day. Today is a good day. Right now, today, is one of those moments I have had to stop and savor, for the sake of preserving it. Life is good today. It's 2011, I'm still in the office (odd) and it's a good day.

Just wanted to share that.

Lots of things happened today - a random morning explosion or two (off FOB, way off FOB actually), which was different. I had to track down a lieutenant for a signature today and 'splained him what the toughbook laptop I issued him does, in conjunction with the iris & fingerprint scanners. It's cool, and I mean really effin' cool. Not "oh, McDonald's came out with a new flavor of ice cream" cool, I'm talking track the enemy and make a difference in the war cool. We do some pretty cool shit, and capturing biometrics is one of them. Amazing stuff, really.

OK, so got some stuff in the mail this week. Dave, Cinda and Shanna - thank you TONS for the box!!! I am set on dusting wipes and swiffer dusters for a couple of months! Not to mention coffee! You guys rock...not just a little, but both hands rock ("too much rock for just one hand")!! Got a new keyboard in, as I'm tired of having to clean the damn thing out. This is it. Takes a little getting used to, but for $20, I'm happy. Got to watch out. I'm sitting here in the office half singing along to a Dave live CD set, one of the best I've heard in a LONG time. Course, it was recorded in August 2000...has a live version of Minarets that is excellent! This is too good to not mention (Kim will understand this once she sees the set list): 41, Grace is Gone, Watchtower, Minarets, Lie in our Graves, Bartender, Rapunzel. Just to mention a few. Full set list is here. For anyone looking for an excellent live CD set of DMB, get this one. Naturally, I'll be burning copies to send to Kim soon, now that I've let the proverbial cat out of the bag.

So, this week we've begun to see temperatures over 100. Oddly enough, it's not bad. Hot, but not bad. More to come, I know. I’ve found once I walk to the compound from the TOC a few times, I know what to expect and it’s tolerable. At night it cools off enough to be enjoyable. Naturally, if we’re indoors, we all have A/C, which also makes it very tolerable.

The 'beebs were busy this week - had some VBEDs this week at unexpected times. Mostly in the city. So far, they're trying to hit the more forward deployed forces. Personally I'd like to think that means the forward folks are doing good things and being effective. Time will tell, naturally.

Got a laugh out of Sunday funnies. Tell me what you all think of this one.

Kim's been asking me to figure out how to post pictures here. I'll figure that out in May. Basically, I'm trying to buy time so I can get some good pics to send. I might even try to slip one of me in there. We'll see. For now, I'll take what I can and then sort out what I can post.

Wind is pretty heavy tonight. As we have a camouflage net suspended between our cans, using, among other things, 2x4s, it means the damn lumber will rattle, squeak and rub against the can. Now, if this were a mobile home, I’d worry about a tornado. This is not that luxurious. It’s a connex that’s been outfitted with (meager) insulation, linoleum flooring, wallboard and a HVAC unit. Oh, I have a couple of windows. And a door. I like my door. Anyhow, I’ll probably have to break out the earplugs tonight.

So, besides adding some cleaning supplies to the “send ahead of me next time” list, I’ll have to add 110 to 220 and 110 to Asian plug adapters. Not a transformer, oh no. All of my stuff, without my trying to buy it this way, switches. This is cool too. The laptop switches voltage, the cell charger switches, the MP3 player charger switches, the camera charger switches. How cool is that??? I was amazed when I started to look. Anyway, the token 110 to 220 plug adapter I keep in the toilet kit is overused, so I splurged at the PX and bought a couple more. How's that for perspective? Most folks want to hear about the explosions, while I'm more interested in plug adapters.

That's it for tonight. I need to get to the can and rinse the dust off.

Enjoy!

Story Time!

You know what? It's finally happened. My intent with the blog had been to share what life is like here on the FOB (seeing as how I'm a FOBbit and all) and generally keep folks up to date on what's going on. But it's happened. I'm crossing the line into using this to disseminate, to some degree, what happens to me day to day. First, some information. I am in charge of badging. What that means is, all of the non military types who work here MUST come to my folks to get a badge. In the process of obtaining said badge, I must eventually approve it and sign off on it, literally. That's a goodly amount of responsibility, which I don't take lightly. People may or may not be assigned privileges (PX access, eating at the chow hall, etc) based on their contract. So far so good. So one of the reps gets into a pissing contest with one of my soldiers. An aside - I don't take this lightly. Normally I try not to throw the oak leaf around, but when a civilian starts to mix it up with one of my soldiers, move over. Anyhow, this guy's being a jerk and doing so in email no less (most unwise). So, my specialist sends me the email chain. I read it. I respond. Hey, I have no issue giving full access to folks to whom it's entitled, but I must have a contract, period. No contract, no privileges. Finally he comes back with the basic statement, "oh, I suppose you guys need the contract that shows this support relationship." You think??? Maybe?

It keeps life interesting.

I especially like the Iraqi Army folks. We have some pretty hard and fast guidelines on badging these folks. It's written that way. So this dude comes in for a badge renewal and I change his badge color. Another aside - most of these folks associate badge colors with a certain level of respect or influence. It's like, the "better" the color, then the more important they must be. Honestly, it's all about the regulation and the contract. Anyhow, this guy is PISSED. Not just garden variety, either. Walks off after stating, "I talk to general about this." You do that. Comes a call from the general's office this morning (fast service). Boss & I go up there. Seems they have checked with the folks in Baghdad (NB, this would be the folks I talk to daily) and they refuse to give this cat his original badge color back. I recall mentioning that yesterday, oddly enough. So we had that minor drama to contend with, which helped to break the GHDE (GroundHog Day Effect).

Sometimes I swear I'm back in my high school classroom listening to arguments about the length of prom dress hemlines.

One person demanded - demanded (this was a civilian, mind you, which implies that I am armed and he is not) - that I give him a brown badge. Went on and on about how waiting 45 minutes while he's searched going from one FOB to the other is such a burden to him. It was embarrassing. And it hit me just as I returned from a meeting or lunch or some other event that had absolutely nothing to do with his 45 minute wait.

We all get upset, this I know. Throughout this deployment I have begun to learn how to both choose to not grow angry all the time and to understand that a distinct difference exists between those things I can, ought and should change and those things, over which I truly have no control. Some complaining about the latter is to be expected. Going on a rant about it is something I have had to work at avoiding. Human nature is to pick out the traits in others which bother us the most in ourselves, and I am no exception. I know I don't like it when I go off about silly stuff, and really don't like it when others do the same.

Enjoy!